Indian Point Provincial Park description:
- There was the huge munber number of coniferous trees. The air temperature was 2C whereas the 90% of the sky was covered with clouds.
- Though, it was silent but 2-3 times, we heard the roaring of deer, chirping of some birds.
- There were trees all around and trees were green. It was full of snow. There was huge number of moss which is considered to be the organic debris.
- There were 2-3 monkeys that we say as well the tracks of deer and monkey was found.
- We were not able to see the soil as it was covered with snow but as the tutor told us that there was young soil, sedimentry rock and igneous rock
In my opinion, this description is quite easy to understand. I know that writers often use simple words to write quickly, and therefore this still has some mistakes. However, I think this is acceptable to record everything in difficult condition with very windy and snowy weather.
This description provides some required information that helps me imagine a part of Indian Point Provincial Park. Actually, described information may be accurate, e.g. this park is the coniferous forest. The park had many track and scat of many species, but it was difficult to see them in the morning. Hence, after seeing those tracks, students can guest type of animal, but no one can ensure that information is right or not.
However, this still has unnecessary information when writers describe tree 2 times. I think they can take out tree information in the 1st paragraph. They also should write more about their feeling about what they saw or stepped on. Sometimes, they walked on soil which gave them information about understory vegetation, type of soil, etc… Besides, I think the important thing is that they should check what they write again. I know the limited time and hard circumstance are the challenges with them, but their partner should re-check to limit mistaken words as well as wrong data.